1- Hire the right people and then put them in the wrong jobs. This will be much easier to do if you make sure your job postings bear little or no relationship to the actual positions. For extra fun, put the lead generation tasks under the closer’s job description, and vice versa. This will ensure team conflict as well as general job misery!

2- Be careful to assign new hires to sales managers who will do their utmost to reduce any excitement or enthusiasm that may remain after the hiring process. Crush employee engagement before it ever affects your retention metrics.

3- If you have been foolish enough to hire people who actually get along well with each other, install a compensation scheme that will break down those bonds. Remember, silos will make it easier for you to rule your domain, and every bit of compensation that doesn’t go to staff means more for you!

4- Pay particular attention to any sales support people, especially if they seem to be providing a ‘home base’ for sales people. If they make their sales partners’ lives easier, the whole department will come to expect that they can have other people fill in for their weaker points and not have to obsess on them every sleepless night.

5- Make sure you use a performance assessment system that covers every possible detail of the position, especially the irrelevant ones. If you don’t, you’ll never be able to find an excuse for blaming, shaming, or defaming. Bonus tip: Make those performance assessments as public as you can.